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Sorry, I've been so wrapped up in the rest of my life and posting these that i haven't gotten a chance to say hi to all the new readers, I guess a lot more people must be using the rss feed or bloglovin, because viewership has apparently been way up, and in a steady sort of way (yes, occasionally I remember this thing has stats). So welcome new friends, and hi again old ones. Here is the post:

 

Also, yesterday's post accidentally went up with out the drawing. It has now been added. (view five)

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Sorry, I almost went to bed without doing one of these. It's been a real angsty day (oh no! she used the word angsty, get out now!) no, I just mean there has been much much exhausting anguish for very little reason. Which has always been a cornerstone of my birthday season. I was the kid who got stressed out over everything, from what color plates would the birthday cake be served on to what to do if I got two of the same toy. I actually remember that for several years, I would cry every year on my birthday. About little things, stupid things, but I just remember the ascent to a new age being such a terribly difficult thing for me that any little thing would cause me to crack. On my 5th birthday it was the balloons. My dad went to tie some balloons onto the mailbox so that people coming for the party would know they were at the right house (these weren't huge soirees, everyone coming knew our house, it is just a thing you do for kids' birthdays) and he let them go. I was sure he had done it intentionally, he didn't like tying, untying and disposing of the balloons. And I couldn't imagine what those balloons could do now, they were in an abyss of blue, they had no one. So I cried for the balloons, and everyone tried to point out that there were more balloons. No one understands that kids don't cry because they have no balloon, but because that balloon is lost in the universe, that balloon could be you.

Darn, that was angsty.

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When I was four, I had a Pocahontas themed birthday, Pocahontas shaped piñata included. I became friends with her. When they beat her senseless, blindfolded with wooden bats, it killed my little 4yearold heart. Sensitive kids, they never grow up.

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So I went to the fair today with two of my amazing friends, and it literally put me smack-dab back in the middle of my little kid shoes again. The fair in LA always happens right around my birthday, so while it's not a birthday thing, it's a birthday adjacent thing.
and that's good enough for me.

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once again, two, a birthday I don't really remember. So I asked my mom about it. Consider the rest of this series thoroughly fact- checked. She documented everything. And has it on hand. And won't let me be wrong.

one

So in honor of the fact that I will be turning twenty on the twentieth, I'm going to do a little post each day, hopefully for the year the day represents (Isn't this like 11/10? or kinda like what Gabrielle Bell did in July? Yes, but I don't care). Unfortunately, this starts with one, which aside from being the lonliest number, is the birthday I have least recollection of. But here:

Sang along to the songs I never had the courage to write..

This one has been sitting in folders, on desks, and in computer files so long that it doesn't even seem like it's mine anymore. Just something I can share with you, something that takes less courage than posting it in the mire of my emotion and rage, when it was the only way I knew how to say what I felt was, as per usch, in comics-form. Because it's something to hide behind. Because we all get scared, we all fuck up, but it's when people have the courage to love us through our fuckedupedness that things work. So if you disagree with any of the viewpoints here, please just have the courage to know I'll be back to the less controversial stuff you're used to by tomorrow and not cut me out of your life, and I'll try and have that same maturity in all aspects of my life.

None of the people, places, music, etc, had anything to do with this comic, other than I things i drew on to help my narrative, so don't blame them if you're offended.

oh and for those of you that  don't remember every lyric mentioned in here: recommend listening

click to see full size image (couldn't post full size, too big with itsybitsy details)